Lesbians, Sure We’ve Sex With Each Other But That Does Not Mean ‘Female Code’ Is Inactive | GO Magazine

Eons before I emerged moving out of the dusty, dark and disappointing right closet and marched into the sunny dyke world, I happened to be a staunch follower of “girl code.” Perhaps it’s because I’m one of those annoying entities created with a ravenous thirst for ~fairness~ within this screwed-up world. Maybe I’m only my personal mom’s daughter (my mummy is the moral dictator with the Eastern Seaboard). Or maybe I’m only a self-righteous bitch.

No matter the explanation; I’ve been a staunch follower of “girl signal” since those wet adolescent hormones kicked in around get older 10.

So what also



is



“girl rule?”  female signal is a code in which all ladies that are generally supporting of the gender, adhere to. Its an unspoken pair of regulations, emerge destination generations ago by the foremothers, to ensure we take care of our kind. It is primal. Pet.

It means that even when we oh-so-fiercely dislike that vile witch who sits two cubicles away, we shall

however

give the lady a tampon when she actually is bleeding through the woman bleached white jeans.

Woman rule is rooted in the built-in sisterhood we tell all females, though do not know them in person. We share an unspoken bond because merely we understand the hardships, the difficulties, and the unavoidable upheaval which comes in addition to getting a lady in a fuckboy’s world.

Once I was eleven I was heartbroken once I saw smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball celebrity “steal” the boyfriend of Ashley* a freckle-faced educational.

“just how CAN SHE?!” I gasped to my personal companion Suzie Goldstein over a carton of chocolate milk within the cafeteria.

Suzie, in addition a die-hard lady coder, unfortunately installed the woman head. “I don’t know, Zara. I am not sure.”

A couple of years afterwards I got a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed kid who had been the spitting image of

Halsey

(while I pressured me to “destroy” on men, i moved for very kids who bore striking resemblances on the lovable queer woman take performers of today).


Trouble was actually, said child had when dated a buddy of mine. I inquired their if she minded basically dated the woman lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (perhaps not in those words, without a doubt).

“definitely I MIND!” she screamed, flinging her green velour hot Couture backpack into the environment.

We vowed to prevent challenge girl signal once more.

I then switched 20 and started having fun with the ~lesbians~.

I became a Sapphic small kitten fresh in the scene although We felt like I experienced died and gone to lesbian heaven, the one thing actually confused me (okay, a



couple of



things, but you get in which I’m going).

Woman signal failed to appear to be as fiercely deep-rooted into my personal brand-new lesbian pal party. My pals did actually consistently be internet dating their own pal’s exes, flirting with used women and participating in top-secret matters with women still romantically attached to some other girls.

“Wait—no, you cannot do that! It isn’t really FEMALE rule!” I’d shriek within my new buddy Talia, a lady who was usually recklessly smashing girl signal together with her brown small fists.

Talia would move her glittery eco-friendly vision. “we are lesbians—it’s various. We now have



sex



with one another.”

“Even though there is gender together does not mean lady signal fades the window,” we roared with a feverish intensity I didn’t even comprehend I’d. I happened to be 21 with ratty hair extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my title, but We realized within my heart I happened to be lifeless meet and fuck right now

Not merely should queer females end up being staying with girl signal (the actual fact that we perform certainly, have sexual intercourse with one another, countless gender together), it should be cut also further compared to the lady rule that is out there in the heteronormative world. Not merely are we under assault by culture at-large because we are female, we’re also under assault by community at large because we’re effing QUEER, ladies! If there has actually ever already been several women who need tightly certain to the ethics of FEMALE CODE, it ought to be us queers. In reality, i might call it “queer signal” but that’s unique thing, worthy of its own article.

But everyone of us, no matter where we land regarding sex range, everyone, which roll from inside the queer lady area,



should



be staying with girl code. No exclusions.

Including:

It really is against “girl code” to aggressively strike on a female who has a girlfriend.

A few months ago I became from the Cubby Hole using my friend Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut arrived striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to the woman with that very intimate “vagina initial” strut and she started to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within a few minutes, she asked Maggie on a night out together.

Maggie beamed politely (she is south) and cooed, “That’s truly sweet, but You will find a very major gf.”

“That’s also terrible. I’ll buy you a drink anyway.” The lanky lesbian purred, raising an impressively arched eyebrow.

“Don’t worry about any of it, i obtained it.” Maggie looked nervously at me personally (the bitchy brand new Yorker who bites right back).

“allow me to buy you a glass or two. You are attractive. And hey, that knows where your own connection is certian?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She place an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s blank shoulder.

Ultimately, I burst. “Dude! She’s a girlfriend! It is not merely disrespectful to Maggie, additionally it is disrespectful to her GIRL. All of us are women! Do not betray one another like this!” We roared, because the Lanky Lesbian easily excused herself for a smoke.

You are not only breaking woman rule by simply making another girl believe uneasy for rejecting the advances, you are busting girl rule because some poor lesbian is sitting yourself innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as her sweetheart will be HIT ON by another woman.

What i’m saying is, possibly she’d anticipate such behavior by drunken bros on bro club, although queer bar needs to be a safe spot! I keep you to an increased regular than guys (NOT PC, sorry), not?

Its against “girl rule” to inquire about a girl’s permission to talk to the woman gf.

Recently I is at large queer woman celebration when suddenly an arbitrary woman arrives walking as much as my gf and bellows: “could i ask your girl a question?” Correct. In. Front. Of. Me. Like I wasn’t also freaking there.

Discuss smashing girl rule in to the ground! You are equating my personal womanliness with weakness, and implying that my leather pants wearing gf is actually my employer (GAG!), because she actually is maybe not twirling around in a mini dress like Im.

PSA: you can easily twirl about in a minidress nevertheless have a goddamn head.

Not simply have you been breaking lady code by judging an other woman exclusively according to her external look and personal design, you are in addition being wildly sexist. You’re asking my personal (somewhat) much more male exhibiting sweetheart for permission to dicuss to “femmey very little myself.” Hear this ladies: This makeup lesbian does not have any boss. Not of working. Not in daily life. And definitely not in fucking really love.

It’s against girl code as of yet, sleep with, or flirt with your buddy’s ex (without seeking permission).

Look: there are times when I think its completely okay up to now a friend’s ex because lez be real. The planet is indeed little that matchmaking a buddy’s ex will eventually (most likely) be inescapable. Especially if friends and family are fantastic, crazy sluts like my own, and have hooked up with 90 % for the scene.

But child lady! You have to require permission before going into that region.

I understand finding a lady you relate with can be as uncommon as locating a pearl in a goddamn oyster, but you must hold your self straight back if authorization isn’t granted.

It is against woman code to flirt along with your pal’s current companion (in the event it is simple).

Near your own sight. Envision you’re at a club enjoying another lady splay her legs around your own hetero buddy’s date. Might imagine it was wildly unsuitable, and most likely tell the girl everything about it, no? exact same is true of ladies on girl laps.

Believe me we have a problem with this one, significant. I’m obviously a lap sitting lez, into the many ~innocent~ of ways. We recklessly plop regarding the laps of homosexual men, lesbians, my mama, my brother and right women as well. It’s probably a deep-rooted youth dilemma of wanting for love.

But. That’s no reason.

I have needed to setup some rigid limits when it comes to my friends’ girlfriends. Whether or not inside my greatly mascara adorned vision I am not “flirting,” it is still WILDLY unsuitable in my situation is lapping it back at my friend’s girl. Or anybody’s girl for instance.

It could get perplexing for all of us gays.



Oh, we are all women! This means absolutely nothing!



But if you don’t wish another person’s gf to (rightfully) sock you during the nostrils just like you drunkenly perch on her girl’s lap: go attend a rose bush as an alternative. It is a far more sensible choice.

It’s against girl code to allow your own squandered girlfriend go homeward with a douchey stranger EVEN IF STATED STRANGER IS A WOMAN.

If my personal straight best friend Ruba gets spinning out of control lost and slurs in my opinion that she is going home with some douchey appearing bro who’s providing me personally an incident of full human body creeps, We’ll drag their outside of the bar kicking and screaming before We allow her to enter a cab with him.

Because the intoxicated friend is certainly going house with another woman (aka not a



guy)



doesn’t necessarily imply she’s going to be secure OR don’t awaken without terrible regret and shame spirals. We’re here to guard our friends from danger AND from embarrassment spirals. Woman code, infant.

Generally there really. Tell me how you feel.
Message me personally on Fb
and tell me you differ. This really is a discussion, maybe not a lecture, kitten. I’m merely your own self-proclaimed net lesbian large sibling, precisely what the hell perform i am aware?

OH—one a lot more thing. It is against woman signal to treat a woman you’d a-one night stand with love trash. No matter if it is simply a rando hookup (that I completely endorse) end up being TYPE to her and buy the cab home. Women are to never treat some other women like throw away adult toys, under any circumstance.